How to Look Good in a Bathing Suit

The woman at the gym was at least 10 years younger than I. She was tall and thin and wore two pairs of shorts: a spandex kind and a running type. I hadn't noticed it at first but she was tugging on the spandex as she climbed onto the treadmill. Her legs were as beautiful as she was but that wasn't enough.

A woman came into Smitten a few Sundays ago and told me she'd gained 35 pounds after she quit smoking. She was in her mid 60's with dark, expressive eyes and fabulous hair. In spite of her "larger" size, she was beautiful. But she hated her body.  And even though everything she tried on looked good on her, it wasn't enough.

I had never worn running shorts, even in the summer, until six years ago when the guy I was dating at the time asked why I didn't. I told him that I didn't think my legs were good enough and he looked at me like I was crazy. I don't remember his words but I walked away from the conversation and bought my first pair of running shorts. 

I marvel at my daughter's body. Since she's often naked, I can really see what her body looks like, lots of softness and round lines, no hard muscles. But she doesn't mind, of course. She's happy to be walking around without clothes on. With her toddler belly rolling like Santa's at Christmas, she has no idea that in all likelihood she will learn to hate her body like most women.

- art by Feminist Lisa Frank http://feministlisafrank.tumblr.com

Who do we think we are that we can get away with hating our bodies the way that we do? They keep going even though we don't feed them well, disparage them in public (and private) or deliberately hurt them. Our bodies get us to work, the hospital and the vet. For many of us, they give us independence, the ability to walk away when something goes bad. And yet women know that because their body fails to live up the an idealized image of beauty that we didn't create, it is permissible to hate.

Who are we if we hate a piece of ourselves? Certainly not the confident, capable women we want to be. Self-confidence cannot exist alongside hate for a part of ourself. I say "no" to that hate. You are enough right now. With my no-longer-perky breasts and soft stomach, I am enough. My legs aren't perfect but they are strong. They get me where I need to go and carry my daughter when she's tired. I will keep wearing those running shorts.

Your body will never be the idealized version of perfect that so many of us covet. But you are perfect with all your imperfections, just the way you are now. So walk around the house in a bathing suit for a week before you decide to wear one to the beach. Do what you need to do (and that's a good first start) but this swimsuit season, let's step into our own power and speak a message of self-love, not hate. Heck, it's the least we can do.

{new #OutsideTheMomBox post} 13 #stress busters for #pregnant #women

Anxiety isn't good for any of us but it can be especially detrimental to pregnant women. For pregnant women extra stress can cause high blood pressure which can trigger preterm labor. Preterm labor can lead to a host of issues for baby: including intellectual and developmental delays, hearing and vision challenges and more. This March of Dimes article articulates many of which here. So, let's all calm down! Here are 31 ways how to reduce stress:

1. Avoid information overload. DON'T Google everything! Find a trusted friend, educator that you can depend on for quality information. No, they won't have all the answers but they will be able to refer you to someone equally awesome when they get stumped.
2. Find a support group. Connecting with other women is so important at this often scary, vulnerable time. Hear that they are feeling the same and learning from each other. 
3. Start saying "no" now. I know you're a helper. I get it, I do. But the best person you can help now is YOU. Practice saying "no" to whatever doesn't feel like the uber-best fit for you and your new family. Trust me; you'll get a lot of use out of this new habit down the road.
4. Sit on a birth ball. I can't say enough about how much I love birth balls. They keep you moving, keep your hips fluid, get you off your feet, keep your pelvis in a good position. And they just feel good! Try it.

5. Take a warm bath. During my last trimester, I must have taken a warm bath 5 out of 7 nights a week. I listened to my breathing CD, took deep breathes, talked to Little Sun and slowly dripped warm water over my big belly. It felt great and allowed me to sleep better.

6. Go for a walk. I didn't do a lot of exercise when I was pregnant but I did walk nightly. It helped me calm down from the craziness of a work day and kept me active and mobile,even when I didn't want to be. It felt good.
7. Drink more water.  A dehydrated body can lead you to confuse cravings with real hunger pangs. Also a dehydrated uterus is a crampy uterus which is an unhappy uterus. You want a happy uterus. Happy = healthy and feeling good!
8. Hit the sack earlier. Rest now because it feels so good and because you won't have as much time. If I hear one more story about a pregnant woman heading out for a jam-packed day, with nary a nap in sight, I swear! Take it easy, please. Trust me on this one.
9. Talk to a coach. Most of my Outside The Mom offerings are ones that I wanted. Wellness Coaching is no exception. One session (or a handful!) includes simply talking to someone who has been there before can bring much relief as well as education, resources and support.
10. Journal. In Baby Body and Soul, Tracy Gaudet recommends journaling. It was really helpful to me to write down some of the anxieties that I was feeling about the pregnancy and what I still felt like I needed to sort out before I had her. 
11. Enjoy a chiropractic adjustment. For three-four months leading up to my daughter's birth and for over a year, I received regular chiropractic adjustments at Imagine Chiropractic. They felt great but also reminded me that I was doing good prep work for labor. 
12. Enroll in a childbirth class. Prep and information reduces stress now...and down the road. I have a seven week, Sunday afternoon class starting in September in Durham for couples and September online for survivors. I also have other local resources for childbirth here.
13. Ask for help more often. Boy, do I wish that someone had strongly encouraged me to start asking for help when I was pregnant. You will need help. I did. We all do but it's hard to ask. Start that vulnerable act with someone you trust & see how that goes.

New moms, what would you add to this list? P.S. Your 13 comes up in a few weeks. I didn't forget about you!