11 Reasons Why "Breast Is Best" Makes You Wrong

A recent piece on Romper got me incensed. The author, Fiona Tapp, had given some thought to the "breast is best" mantra. Given the backlash she'd experienced, Tapp considered the facts behind "breast is best". In the end, she decided that saying "breast is best" is "perfectly OK". Tapp proceeded to offer 9 reasons to support her conclusion.

It's been a while since I have tackled this topic on the blog. But I talk about it often so it feels like a good time to revisit why I hate, yes hate, this term. Here are 11 reasons why "breast is best" makes you wrong.

1) Baby cared for and protected is more important than what baby is fed. Need science on that? Look at the ACE Study (here or here) or any other research on the affects of early childhood trauma and neglect. An especially good resource is Dr Nadine Burke Harris' TED talk. That's here.

2) Let's get this out of the way. Yes, formula is manufactured. And it's also medically necessary for many babies. Formula may be* the only option for babies who have a congenital deformation, some forms of hypoglycemia or babies who have lost too much weight. It's not common but some babies are actually lactose intolerant so they must formula. Medically necessary or not, babies need to be fed. If that's confusing, see #1 above.

3) 1 in 3-4 women will be survivors of sexual abuse in their lifetime. Some sexual abuse survivors are not willing or able to breastfeed. Feeding on demand, even in the middle of the night, and often in bed can be triggering for a survivor of abuse whose body has been controlled by someone other than herself. 

4) Low income moms are at a double disadvantage with breastfeeding. A) They are more likely to work low wage jobs which don't leave money for breastfeeding supplies. Supplies (from nipple shields to single use bags to a dependable pump) can be expensive! B) Poor moms are also more limited in childcare options. They may need to rely on an unethusiastic caregiver who isn't knowledgable about breastfeeding because of affordability or access issues. 

5) Not all parents have breasts! The breast cancer survivor, two dads, foster parents or adoptive parents may not have breasts or be able to lactate.

View fullsize

6) Some moms cannot breastfeed, no matter desire, it's just not happening. This is something that I have heard for years. But last week I reached out to a Facebook group and asked about it. One woman, “Laura”, shared this ---------->

7) Breastfeeding isn't "natural" or "intuitive; it is learned. For topics that aren't covered in school (breastfeeding, healthy relationships), we rely others' experiences. Breastfeeding may remain a mystery if mom, sister or friend didn't do it. Support from an breastfeeding professional can be expensive and time-consuming.

8) Speaking of which...breastfeeding can save money but it can cost money. Time away from your work, even to breastfeed, generally means time you are not paid for. The United States is the only industrialized country without paid family leave. I asked a group of women how long they took off from work after their first baby. 90% of women said that they went back before they wanted to.

9) BF can also be scary for women who have struggled with body image issues. Here's how Fearless Formula Feeder Suzanne Barston describes it in her book, Bottled Up., having swollen, enormous leaking breasts was not only physically uncomfortable; it brought back every dark thought, every weird insecurity from a ten-year struggle with anorexia." (92)

10) Every day 3 women are murdered by their boyfriend or partner. These women usually aren't safe in their own homes. An unsupportive / abusive partner can see time with baby as time away from them. Formula feeding can stave off abuse, distract and/or get help around baby.

11) Some moms don't want to breastfeed. It doesn't matter why. Leave them alone already. Unless their baby is in imminent danger, just walk away from your judgment of their life.

Bottom line: Breastfeeding is a privilege. Some of us are more privileged than others. Until we right the wrongs mentioned above and add:

milk sharing programs;

donor milk programs that are actually free; 

access and education for all families who want to breastfeed;

paid leave;

 and so much more, breastfeeding will remain a privilege.

Slogans like "Breast Is Best" make us wrong but maybe that doesn't bother us. But what should bother us is the marginalization and isolation of new parents. BIB comes out after the presents are open and the freezer full of food is empty. It's bandied around at a time when some some moms don't have a moment to themselves to shower. When the partner has gone back to work and mom is alone for at home with a crying baby. When new parent policy is more endangered than ever, we need to strengthen the ties that bind us, not encourage further divisiveness.

We’re better than this.

*I say "may be" here because expressed milk can be an option. Milk banks are banks, however, and are usually too expensive to be sustainable long-term for even the most resourced families.

{new post} August #newmoms group conversation: #babies #sleep

The second Saturday of each month is the Outside The Mom Box support group for new moms. Each session starts out with introductions and then goes in our main topic. We leave about 30 minutes for Q&A, then close. Our topic this month was "sleep".  Here are a few noteworthy snippets from that conversation:

I set the stage by offering this thought: ignore everything that tells you what "normal" babies do; your baby is unique, like you. As one of the moms that I reached out to for thoughts about sleep shared with me, "No one method works for everyone." It's also important to be mindful of the impact that our culture has on our belief systems and the issue of baby sleep is no different. Sadly, the impact is often a negative one (do ____ to be faster/better; make ___ easier; get more of _____) but sometimes it can be positive, especially if you surround yourself with non-judgmental support and acceptance, as we see in this group.

Next, we brainstormed reasons that babies might wake...

<--------- As you can see, the reasons that babies might wake up are as diverse as the babies themselves!

To keep Baby's sleep into perspective and contrast it with other babies in the room, moms took turns sharing the age of their baby, what their longest interval of sleep looked like and whether or not and what they were eating. 

I then shared that, according to La Leche League, sleeping through the night is about 5 hours for newborns, slightly more for older babies.

Our group's breastfed babies (newborns through age 10 months) did exactly as one would think they would: waking every 3 -5 hours. This is what we would expect because breastfed babies need to eat every 2-3 hours so baby is waking up every few hours to eat is normal and expected. Breastmilk digests within a few hours and if there isn't anything else in baby's tummy, they will likely be hungry after a few hours. Remember for most babies over 6 months but under a year, solids are still new so while Baby may be taking in some nutrition, we can't count on "a hearty dinner" sustaining them through the night! Breastmilk still meets this need for them.

Our two formula fed babies were pretty different from each other, although not different from how often they were waking: every 2-3 hours. The 8 month old had a set bedtime routine and was enjoying solids in addition to formula but mom wasn't clear whether or not he was waking out of habit/comfort or hunger. This can be hard to tell! I suggested that she experiment and send her husband in to see if baby indeed was hungry. Sometimes partner is a better one to send in because baby may be more likely to associate mom with food. If indeed, baby wants comfort, dad can provide it by soothing, rocking, singing, etc. and mom can keep sleeping. If none of that works, baby may be hungry but that's also something dad can do! The 6 month had a routine that involved dad when he came home from work...which was late so baby was up late having dinner with him. This meant bedtime was super late, baby was up a few hours later, then back to sleep, then up again, etc. I suggested to mom looking at dad doing more of the routine and having it follow dinner, not be before, as a way to "signal" bedtime and aim for an earlier hour asleep.

We talked about ways that mom could get more sleep:

• bedsharing (Evolutionary Parenting's page here has a number of useful articles about bedsharing);
• this post on routine vs. schedule is worth its weight in gold; 
• taking turns with partner, having partner being the comforter, feeder, etc;
• doing a dream feed before she goes to bed;
• night weaning if she is breastfeeding.

I try to remind myself and will remind you here, dear reader, that if whatever you are doing is working for you, keep doing it. If it doesn't, then look to change it. It's only recently that I have come to terms with my own daughter's sleep. Breastfed babies (and toddlers) are usually up more often in the night, unless they are sleep-trained in some way. Not every breastfed baby or toddler of course because each child is different.  I've seen that mentioned here, here and here and anecdotally as I collect stories from moms along the way. My daughter is 2.2 and this holds true for us: she is up 1-2 times per night, every night. And when I finally came to terms with this being okay and normal, I was fine. But when I worried that she wasn't getting enough sleep, that I was doing something wrong, etc., I felt horribly guilty.

We closed our conversation with a few other takeaways:

• baby crying = a need not being met;
• realistic expectations are important (see paragraph #2!);
• perspective is important...as one of my "old" moms from a previous group said," Please tell your mamas in sleep hell that it DOES get better!"  

For Durham area new moms, our next gathering is September 13, 2-4 pm. Once again, we will be at my office at 1200 Broad Street, Suite 104, in Durham. RSVPs are not required! Have a suggestion for our September topic, leave me a comment below. 

If you liked this post, will you click the heart below? Thanks!

{new #OutsideTheMomBox post} 13 #stress busters for #pregnant #women

Anxiety isn't good for any of us but it can be especially detrimental to pregnant women. For pregnant women extra stress can cause high blood pressure which can trigger preterm labor. Preterm labor can lead to a host of issues for baby: including intellectual and developmental delays, hearing and vision challenges and more. This March of Dimes article articulates many of which here. So, let's all calm down! Here are 31 ways how to reduce stress:

1. Avoid information overload. DON'T Google everything! Find a trusted friend, educator that you can depend on for quality information. No, they won't have all the answers but they will be able to refer you to someone equally awesome when they get stumped.
2. Find a support group. Connecting with other women is so important at this often scary, vulnerable time. Hear that they are feeling the same and learning from each other. 
3. Start saying "no" now. I know you're a helper. I get it, I do. But the best person you can help now is YOU. Practice saying "no" to whatever doesn't feel like the uber-best fit for you and your new family. Trust me; you'll get a lot of use out of this new habit down the road.
4. Sit on a birth ball. I can't say enough about how much I love birth balls. They keep you moving, keep your hips fluid, get you off your feet, keep your pelvis in a good position. And they just feel good! Try it.

5. Take a warm bath. During my last trimester, I must have taken a warm bath 5 out of 7 nights a week. I listened to my breathing CD, took deep breathes, talked to Little Sun and slowly dripped warm water over my big belly. It felt great and allowed me to sleep better.

6. Go for a walk. I didn't do a lot of exercise when I was pregnant but I did walk nightly. It helped me calm down from the craziness of a work day and kept me active and mobile,even when I didn't want to be. It felt good.
7. Drink more water.  A dehydrated body can lead you to confuse cravings with real hunger pangs. Also a dehydrated uterus is a crampy uterus which is an unhappy uterus. You want a happy uterus. Happy = healthy and feeling good!
8. Hit the sack earlier. Rest now because it feels so good and because you won't have as much time. If I hear one more story about a pregnant woman heading out for a jam-packed day, with nary a nap in sight, I swear! Take it easy, please. Trust me on this one.
9. Talk to a coach. Most of my Outside The Mom offerings are ones that I wanted. Wellness Coaching is no exception. One session (or a handful!) includes simply talking to someone who has been there before can bring much relief as well as education, resources and support.
10. Journal. In Baby Body and Soul, Tracy Gaudet recommends journaling. It was really helpful to me to write down some of the anxieties that I was feeling about the pregnancy and what I still felt like I needed to sort out before I had her. 
11. Enjoy a chiropractic adjustment. For three-four months leading up to my daughter's birth and for over a year, I received regular chiropractic adjustments at Imagine Chiropractic. They felt great but also reminded me that I was doing good prep work for labor. 
12. Enroll in a childbirth class. Prep and information reduces stress now...and down the road. I have a seven week, Sunday afternoon class starting in September in Durham for couples and September online for survivors. I also have other local resources for childbirth here.
13. Ask for help more often. Boy, do I wish that someone had strongly encouraged me to start asking for help when I was pregnant. You will need help. I did. We all do but it's hard to ask. Start that vulnerable act with someone you trust & see how that goes.

New moms, what would you add to this list? P.S. Your 13 comes up in a few weeks. I didn't forget about you!