Let *her* in

Even if I can barely hear David Green talking about the woes of the world, I make an effort to listen to Morning Edition each day. I'm listening for pieces like this one about breastfeeding and future success--stories and news that affect how we think of ourselves as women. 

Too often, I'm wincing. Like yesterday with the breastfeeding piece. When a pediatrician like Valerie Flaherman says "some women can't breastfeed for physical reasons or because they have to go back to work,", I wince at not only her ignorance but the cost to moms everywhere because of her ignorance. I can only hope as a researcher that she is not also in practice. Can you imagine going to your pediatrician and talking about challenges with breastfeeding or saying that you'd rather not breastfeed? Well, maybe you can. And perhaps like me, you may also imagine just how smoothly that conversation would go.

1 in 3 women are a survivor of physical, sexual abuse or stalking in their lifetime. This is a CDC number, not a number from an advocacy group but from a government agency. Technically, it is more than 1 in 3 (36%+) but for simplicity, I say "1 in 3". As I talk about at length in my When Survivors Give Birth trainings, past abuse or trauma can be one of the MANY reasons - beyond physical and career- that women don't breastfeed. Remember those early days? Your baby constantly at your breast (cluster feedings!), rooting around at your blouse or top, constantly touching your chest and skin with their roving hand. At some point there was also pain. All of these actions can be very triggering for a past survivor of abuse. Some survivors won't try breastfeeding because they have a sense just how triggering it might be. And some do try.

But there are other reasons that women cannot breastfeed. Women who have struggled with disordered eating or body image challenges can find the idea of breastfeeding scary or disturbing, on top of the many other changes that are happening or happened to their body. In the past, women who took antidepressants were encouraged to wean from their meds before breastfeeding. Scary but true. Weaning is not necessarily what is advised today as this piece points out. Fearless Formula Feeder founder, Suzanne Barston wrote a terrific book, Bottled Up, talks at length about the reasons why some women don't breastfeed. (Worth checking out if you're curious.)

Y'all, breast is not best. What's best is what's right for YOU and your family. Not what your pediatrician says. Not what some study says. What's best is what works for you and your family. .

There will always be stories about what we, especially we women, can do to be more "successful". And how moms can better support brilliant, well-rounded children destined for careers that improve the world and make boatloads of money at the same time. Let's turn the channel on those stories. Just like I'd never suggest "leaning in". , I never think it's good for anyone's mental health to compare themselves to others. You're not successful alone; we're successful together. Instead of isolating and marginalizing those who don't fit into tight criteria (who does really?), let's gather them together. Let her in. You know. The woman with the messy house or the one who doesn't talk as much. The much older woman or the much younger one. The woman who doesn't have a partner or kids. Or who has had many! Let's gather her and the rest together to build better stories about community, love and support.

Invite me too.

Thank you for reading.

{New #OutsideTheMomBox post} #Moms H2O 101

Summer is officially here and with it, long days that often feel exhausting, especially if you are pregnant or have a baby attached to you. One way to help curb exhaustion and remain alert is to stay hydrated. 

I'm always surprised how much more awake I feel after I sit down and have a few good gulps of water. Then, again and again. Dehydration can make us feel fatigued, head-achy, and nauseous. Drinking water is kind of like taking deep breathes, for me. It can feel cleansing and mind-clearing...when I'm being mindful of what I am doing!

Pay special attention to your fluids when you're exercising. I had a wicked headache for almost 4 days shortly after I came back from working out harder than I should have, one of my first times back at the gym. I'd drank a little water when I was there but not enough and had been nursing Elisabeth almost non-stop the night before as she battled yet another ear infection. I couldn't figure out why my headache was so bad. It seemed like a migraine but I'd never had one before. Only an 800 mg tab of prescription ibruprophen leftover from oral surgery seemed to knock it back a bit. Weeks later, after sleuthing around on the internet, I guessed that perhaps I had been severely dehydrated. I now make it a practice to drink most of my 16 oz Camelbak of water en route to the gym, while there, and on the way back home. I also keep a full glass of water by my bedside table so I can sip overnight whenever I need to.

Speaking of sipping, make those sips more appealing by adding something to it. I'm a sucker for pretty things so when something is more visually appealing, I'm more drawn to it, even my water bottle! Grab a bundle of mint from the Farmers Market on Saturday mornings for only $1. I add a good 8-9 leaves to my Camelbak and then keep a pitcher of cold water with plenty of mint floating in it, ready to go in the fridge. That bundle should last the whole week. If you aren't a mint fan, add some cubed watermelon, slices of washed, peeled cukes or the old standby: lemon wedges. Even Elisabeth is getting into it, saying "mint" and looking for it at the Farmers Market!

A bib always helps with any water play! (Elisabeth at 7 months.)

Kids, even babies, love water. We bought Elisabeth a water table when she was a little over a year and I have high hopes for her to use it for another two years at least! But for littles closer to the 6 month + mark, you don't need to get that fancy: set them up for some fun water play on their high chair (or outside in the shade on a blanket). Put a few ice cubes on their tray and see how they react. It will likely be too slippery to pick them up easily but of course keep a close eye on them with the cubes. If your baby is teething, wrap the cubes in a scrap of clean, thinnish fabric so baby can then use them to ease their achy gums. This kind of cool distraction might be just the thing you need to remind you to drink your water too!

A few special notes-

If you're breastfeeding, baby will be drinking more which means that YOU need to be drinking more. Breastfeeding is a loss of fluid, after all, so you do need to replace those fluids. Baby doesn't need water. Remember that breastmilk is 89% water so baby doesn't need to be drinking water by herself although a sippy cup full of water can be a fun activity! Water is okay for Baby to drink if she is at least 6 months but just a few ounces a day. Most babies under a year don't seem all that interested in drinking water.

If you're pregnant, it's even more important for you to be drinking plenty of water when the weather turns hot. Dehydration can happen very easily and can be very dangerous. Remember too that a loss of fluid is felt throughout the body (think headaches, nausea, etc.) and that includes the uterus. This piece over at Live Strong details all of this quite nicely. 

Do you have any tips or lessons learned when it come to keeping hydrated? Leave a comment below. Thanks for reading!