3 questions about Toddler Group

Update 12/4/14: Toddler Group will start January 3 not December 6! There's still time to join us!

I've fielded a few questions offline about Toddler Group. My theory is that if someone has a question, someone else is thinking the same thing. So I thought I would take a moment and respond to those here.

"What am I paying for in Toddler Group? What do I get?"

Toddlers are tricky little creatures. Babies are sweet and while they might occasionally make us crazy with worry or their crying, we know that they aren't deliberately pushing our buttons. Toddlers, on the other hand, actively test boundaries and their own skills and push our buttons often. In Toddler Group, you get resources, ideas, support and education as you navigate through the often seemingly nonsensical world of your toddler(s) You also get a place to vent, share the overwhelm, make new friends, build community and be non-judgementally supported by moms who are going through the same thing. I think it's a rare bundle. 

"Why isn't this group free like New Mamas Group is?"  

I wish I could say differently but Toddler Group was not my idea! It came from moms who had attended New Mamas group. Because it wasn't part of my business plan to offer a new program, I need to charge for it so I can cover additional costs that are associated with me hosting another group. Costs like childcare, time away from my own toddler, energy to market this offering. When asked by moms I know to offer a program or service, it is really important to me that I do it if I can.

"I'm not sold. How else can you convince me?"

I don't want anyone to be "sold" on this program. If it resonates you, wonderful! If not, that's okay...for whatever reason.

I should mention who Toddler Group is not a good fit for:

Toddler Group is not for you if: you have a hard time supporting other moms' choices whether that is extended breastfeeding or homeschooling.

Toddler Group is not for you if: you are looking for a "platform" or "forum" to use as a way to convince others of your parenting choices. 

Toddler Group is not for you if: you're not willing to be honest with yourself, if you have a hard time being authentic with others or if you won't be able to "show up" as an imperfect, open-minded mom in our group. 

Toddler Group is a closed, time-limited group meaning once it starts, new moms aren't allowed in. Because this group will be small and not structured around a set-in-advance topic but is participant-driven, there is more one-on-one attention. But also because the group will be small, it is important that the moms really be able to support and encourage each other. That has been an unusual blessing in New Mamas Group: the lack of judgement and the warm support. I want that to continue in this group.

Update Tuesday 12/2/14: Due to a cancellation, I need minimum three more moms in order for Toddler Group to run. If you're interested, register here. 

Touching a Tree

Note: I'm on Thanksgiving break this week so I'm offering up a post that I wrote when my daughter was almost one year. A little food for thought this Thanksgiving week. Enjoy!

We touched a tree today.

It was the remaining large willow oak that guards our house like a centurion from another era.  Which it is, really. Its sister came down almost two years ago after much research, tears and fears...of broken limbs crashing through bedroom windows. This sole surviving sister seems hale, though, and up to the task of guardian.

Elisabeth and I were a bit bored as we waited for Lindsey to come around the corner.  We were ready for an adventure and so I thought starting small would be a good first step.  She is little and big things are mesmerizing. I lifted her up and she reached out her hand. If I was more adept, I could have captured the moment on film. A tiny hand pressed up against the gummy, thick as rope, bark of one hundred plus year old tree. I touched it too. It was surprisingly cool. The bark, its skin, was so strong and had a gritty smell that I wanted to bottle for another day. We looked at each other, then at our hands on the bark. Lastly, we looked up. Her massive canopy of leaves, so full and dense shielded our faces from the sky. It was the kind of roof that you'd have in a treehouse.

It's truly the small things that rock our worlds.

 When do we ever stop to smell the lilacs, to touch a tree, to collect a stone that strikes our fancy as we happen to glance down? Not often enough, even if you are with a toddler. Yeah, we all need to do it more.

~~~~

Does this sound like your toddler? Fascinated by little things but not yet ready to tackle them alone? Join my Toddler Group starting December 6 and learn more about yourself and him.

{new post} How a bathroom can be a vessel for voice

I've wrote before about life's invisible work, those acts of mothering that are unremarkable, everyday. We do them all day long and don't think too much about them. Nothing super important...unless you count the care and attention to your baby's thriving and good health as important. ;-) I was reminded of another example of life's invisible work recently: the search for a changing table when you have a baby.

I visited Northgate Mall in Durham yesterday in search of a watch battery. While the kind people at Shama Jewelry were changing the battery, I headed to the bathroom. I found them closeby, near the food court. There were two, both labeled "family restroom" and while I didn't have Elisabeth with me, there was no one waiting so it didn't feel like a big deal. The only real difference is that those restrooms have changing tables. Well, they're supposed to. 

We've all been here, right? You have to pee but you also know your baby needs to be changed. Finally, a sign that says "yes, both can happen here," and then you open the door.

Yes, you're right: that's large empty space is where the changing table should be.

I didn't have a wet or stinky baby with me but I was still angry! How in the world is this okay? 

Moms have enough to deal with.

Even if this "removal" just happened, it should be dealt with in a more compassionate way. How about a notice on the door as a heads-up? How about a sign or apology where the changing table was, explaining what had happened? Something, anything, other...than just an angry cloud of frustration and disappointment.

What's that saying? You're not paranoid; everyone is out to get you. Haha. Though between the stress of traveling with breastmilk or a pump and the "little" things not being able to count on even a changing table in a "family" restroom, it does feel like moms are sometimes treated like second class citizens in our world. We are generally the ones keeping the future leaders of the world safe, productive and happy, aren't we? Seems like moms could at least merit a sign on a door.

I'll call Northgate. And maybe this will be fixed. Sometimes, though, it's less about the end result and more about using our voice. Because moms do merit a sign on the door. But if we don't speak up about that, even though it's obvious, it's unlikely ever to change. Sure, your boss may just decide to give you a raise but you're more likely to get one if you make the case for one and actually ask for one. If this feels uncomfortable, you're not alone. It's hard to ask for what we deserve. (Although it's often easier if we ask on behalf of our child or someone else). But a public bathroom is as good a vessel as any for turning on that public voice that deserves to be heard and heeded. Your voice matters.

Stay tuned. Thanks for reading.

PS. If this article resonates with you, I hope you'll share it!  And if you're a mom of a toddler, I invite you to join my Toddler Group starting in December. Voice, identity and self-care will all be themes of that 3 month group.

{new post} Toddler Group

Update 12/4/14: Toddler Group will start January 3 not December 6! There's still time to join us!

You're doing an amazing job with your baby. It hasn't been easy but you've stuck it out. You're not flawless, far from perfect actually, but you try hard and admit when you're wrong. And that baby, maybe almost a toddler, is thriving now, isn't he?

But as often happens, your needs have taken a backseat.

That could be because you're the full-time caregiver for your little one or because you're not able to exercise/meditate/serlf-care like you used to. Whatever the reason, you have less time for you but plenty of baby/toddler/household projects instead.

In case you haven't heard, starting this December, I'm offering a three month toddler group. The toddler group is open to any mom with a child between 1-3 years old. It's a time to connect back to yourself while being intentional about your parenting, how it affects you and your child/children. Toddler group is a time for you.

Groups like New Mamas or this Toddler Group aren't a basic need. If you're reading this, chances are you've got food in the fridge and a place to lay your weary body each night. Your basic needs are probably covered. So, think beyond basic to healthy habits. Groups like this one offer support, community and a time for connection and reflection. They are a chance to slow down for a moment and indulge in self-care...all of which is essential for your mental health. And your mental health is at the foundation of good health for your whole family.

It can be hard to make ourselves a priority, especially when it costs to do so. Toddler Group isn't free. For me, a mom of a toddler and a small business owner, charging for a group that I know other moms will benefit from is hard. But compensation for the energy, commitment involved with hosting a program that takes me away from my own family is not only important for my family but also my own sense of worth. I also charge because we occasionally (consciously or not) we place more importance on services where we exchange value for value i.e. a short-term program like Toddler Group. 

Mom, if Toddler Group does resonate with you, I want you to be able to participate. The three month membership cost is $69 ($11.50 per session, $5.25 per hour). If that feels like a financial stretch, you can choose to split the cost into three equal payments. The first payment of $23 would be due when you contact me to save your place. The second would be due when we meet Saturday January 3 and the final would be due when we meet on February 7. Just shoot me an email via my contact page here, if you'd like this option.  

You do good work. So, give yourself a break and be reminded of your own greatness when you join me and a few other toddler moms in Toddler Group. You are worth it.

The fine details of the program are here. And of course contact me with any questions, whenever you'd like. 919-237-2370.