We're always telling a story. You, me, my husband and I when we're together. All of us. The story we tell defines us to the world. It helps everyone else make sense and categorize us, mentally placing us within their realm of understanding. While I hate the categorizing and perhaps you do too, the upside is that we can make conscious choices to craft the story that we want people to tell about us.

You’re likely already doing this. You make the choice to not scream at your twins in public because you don’t want people to throw you dirty looks but if the twins were behaving at home the way they are at Babies R Us, you might make a different choice. Or at work? You want your new boss to think of you as a competent problem-solver so you make the choice to not ask for help with your first project even though you’re unclear on expectations. Or what about making the choice to avoid following through on a conversation with your partner about household tasks or childcare responsibilities, deciding it’s easier if you tackle it yourself?

Making choices yes, but making them well, consciously? No.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

— Robert Frost

Conscious choices, making decisions deliberately and with intention, involves actively taking two things into consideration: what the choice says about you and how the choice serves you. For example, what do the choices above tell the world? And are those choices serving the decision-maker?

It never serves us, even in the short-term, to make choices that tell a different story than the truth, that you don’t ask for help when you need it, for example. Choices like these tell the story of a different person than who you actually are. There are already so many factors in the world (think: body image, relationship expectations and gender performance) that challenge your authentic self and in doing so, take a toll on your confidence. Don’t add fuel to the fire by making choices that minimize you. You must make choices that show the world who you really are so when you are faced with something that feels inauthentic, you are more confident challenging it.

Make conscious choices that tell the world your story... the one you want them to hear. Not choices made by default or fear but choices that speak volumes to the kind of person you are, serving you in the moment and down the road. The story of who you really are is the one we need to hear. And you’re the only one who can tell it.

Sometimes as a new mom, we get into a damaging "all-or-nothing" mindset.

Does this sound familiar? We eat healthy or we don't. We practice self-care or we don't. We're a good mom or we're not. Perhaps you already know that this way of thinking can wreak havoc on our self-confidence and our need to feel competent as a person and a parent. If this sounds familiar, then let me take this moment to remind you that there is a large middle ground in each of our lives called "gray". And if you're meeting "gray" for the first time, you're in for a real treat.

Neither black of white, gray is where possibility and practicality meet. It's a place where feelings of capability and worthiness are encouraged. Success happens more often there and feels better when it does. Gray allows small risks, then the chance to evaluate how they work out and take larger ones if the effort seemed worth it. Compared to it's more rigid pals of black and white, grey is flexible.

What does gray look like in reality?

Gray is opting to do one vaccination at a time instead of the usual 2-4 because it still feels responsible but a lot less scary or painful.

Gray is deciding to go wheat-free as a trial period but eating the homemade bread that your brother-in-law proudly brought you as a housewarming gift.

Gray is acknowledging that you likely can't make a weekly playdate but will attend as many as you can.

Gray is working a 15 hr a week job doing something you like because having your own money is important to you.

Gray sets you up for success. It allows space for error, changing our mind and wrong turns without making us feel like an idiot. When we adopt a gray mindset, we give ourselves a safe space to be vulnerable trying something new. This is a good thing because what isn't new when you're a new mom?! As a new mom, gray is crucial. We're learning who we are as a mom. Compassion not only matters but makes this journey more bearable.

What does gray look like for you? Leave a comment below.

Thank you as always, for reading. I'm glad that you're here.