{new #OutsideTheMomBox post} 13 #stress busters for #newmoms

Release your inner hula-hooper!

Okay, moms, you may not be pregnant any more but it's still absolutely essential that you practice good self-care. Perhaps even more important than before because now you have an entire person depending on your good health, both emotional and physical. Below are 13 stress busters especially designed for you new moms.

1. Stay hydrated. Obviously essential when you’re breast-feeding but so important for everyone else. If we have issues with things like vaginal dryness, for example, hydration can be linked to that. Ditto for headaches and fatigue. Got either of those? Tea, coffee and alcohol dehydrate too so you need more water if you are drinking those.

2. Go outside. There's just something about stepping out of your house into the world. The air is different, the ceiling is higher, the light is likely brighter. It's calming, for you and your child. Calm is good. Just typing these words gets me taking some deep breathes. Bundle up if you need to but head outside and just see what you notice...about yourself and the world that you see around you. Take some deep breathes when you're out there.

3. Make self-care a part of your everyday routine. Seriously. It can be part of your everyday while not adding extra "work". Some small ways to do so? Take good, whole-food based vitamins and supplements. Dab a calming essential oil on your wrists. Get up 5 minutes earlier. Stretch your body before the day starts. 

4. Keep (start) saying "no". Ugh, this is a hard one but gosh, is it a goodie! This is one where you notice the difference immediately. Remember that saying "no" gives someone else the opportunity to say “yes”. Saying "no" also allows people who are more expert than you to do the work. Saying "no" also frees up more emotional energy which we all need. 

5. Take breaks...at work, at home. Step away from the computer (or phone). Head to the bathroom, the break room or kitchen. When you're in that new place, do something different than what you were doing: brew a cup of tea, pour a glass of water, open a magazine, talk to someone in person. Breaks are essential for us to continue to do good work, not get bored, burned or resentful. 5 minutes, 15 minutes, 50 minutes, it's all good.

6. Move more, click less. You know what I mean. Get thee away from this screen!  Roll (kick/throw) a ball to your child. Whip out your hula hoop. Take a barre class. Buy a barre for your living room, if you can't get to class. Bring your child or not. But moving not only gets you connected to your body, builds strength and eases stress but it also often connects you face-to-face with others. That's better for you than screen time, anytime.

7. Talk to a friend. In person. Remember what that was like? It felt good, right? Okay, so start it up again. Even if it only 30 minutes, make it happen. Connecting with friends in person is so crucial. They are our reality check, our champion, our support system. We need them. But if theyre not..

8. Keep “better” company. That may mean not accepting friend requests from people who you don’t really want to get to know better/stay in touch with. or it could mean dropping a friendship that has been draining you. The company we keep influences our emotional health. Just ask anyone who's struggling in her marriage or just moved to a new town. 

9. Meet a neighbor. Some of my neighbors are having a block potluck this Sunday and I'm excited! The group socialization isn't everyone's bag, I know. But studies show that being connected to your greater community, your neighborhood, is actually good for your health. It can also be a really nice way to de-stress, meet new people and apologize in advance for the flowers that your toddler might pick from a garden other than his own.

10. Let go of what's not working. You know you have something that's nor working that you feel you should let go. What is it? Decide when and how you;re going to drop it. Remember, saying "no" opens ups a "yes" for someone else. If it feels like there are a lot of stressors and you feel conflicted about what to let go, it can help to talk them out with someone unattached to them. Click here to learn about my wellness coaching offerings. And message me if you need a 15% off coupon ;-)

11. Go out with your honey. No babysitter? No problem! Head over to my Facebook page and leave me a comment that you'd like to be connected into our local babysitter swap. What if you're not local to Durham? What about starting a swap in your own 'hood? Put the idea out via your local moms group or neighborhood list serve.

12. Practice gratitude. And make it public if you can. Facebook it or Tweet it or..don't. The idea is to offer up what you feel grateful for as a way to practice mindfulness and just to be present with what is good. The stress won't necessarily abate but you might find yourself less anxious about what is distressing or challenging you. 

13. Eat an apple. Low calorie, packed with fiber and Vitamin C, this Fall fruit is a perfect complement to any healthy changes you want to make. Apples are also associated with lowering risk of heart disease and cardiovascular disease. For all the good they offer, apples are also relatively inexpensive although they are one of those fruits which ideally you want to eat organic since you are consuming the skin. Take a bite!

What's missing? What would you add? Leave me a comment below. And, as always, thanks for reading.

{new post} September #newmoms group: #bodyimage

The second Saturday of each month is the Outside The Mom Box support group for new moms. Each session starts out with introductions and then goes in our main topic. We leave about 30 minutes for Q&A, then close. Our topic this month was "body image.  Here are a few noteworthy snippets from that conversation:

We started by talking about where we get our ideas about body come from: media, tv and film, celebrities, internet including social media, friends, family and also "hidden" places like healthcare providers. Everyone agreed that after a celebrity's body looked exactly the same as it did before she had the baby and how totally unrealistic that was. Since we don't live on an island, these influences are around all of us constantly which make them harder to ignore.

One of the moms shared her thoughts on how breast-feeding changes our perspective on body image. On one hand we're feeding a baby so breasts are bigger and on the other hand, our breasts are bigger because we are feeding a baby. Sooo, does that make them / us more or less sexy? And it can be equally befuddling to our partners when our magnificent breasts are so functional instead of just "sexy", as we know they "should" be.

Feeling sexy is harder now, most moms agreed. We have stretch marks, stitches or scars from a csection, wrinkles, leftover weight, even milk spraying breasts occasionally. And with all of that goes the usual baby accompaniments, which can mean nursing bras or camis constantly. Also Lilly Padz, more comfy clothes, middle of the night feedings, etc. 

The moms who come to these groups always offer the most insightful comments, one of which I thought was right on: for her, being a new mom is harder on the body than being pregnant. I completely agree with this and others did too. And this makes perfect sense doesn't it? Even aside from the physical exertions that your body goes through everyday with your baby (I remember my wrists bent at a brutal right angle when I held my daughter in the early days. That pain alone was something I wasn't prepared for!), there are also so many social pressures for new moms. Let's make a list of some of those:

1. "to be Facebook ready two days after labor,"
2. Lose that baby weight as quickly as Jessica Alba did (no corsets, please!);
3. Be in love with your baby, even though you might not be; 
4. Or maybe just be grateful that you have a health baby...no matter if your labor and delivery was traumatic.

There are also subliminal social pressures that affect our perspective on our own body image too; to not only breastfeed but make it look as easy, beautiful and "natural" as Olivia Wilde does for example.

Don't get me wrong: there are absolutely physical and social pressures on pregnant women (to not gain too much weight, not to drink or indulge in a Pumpkin Spice Latte, etc.) but I believe that physical and social pressures related to new moms and body image are longer lasting and, because of that they can penetrate our thoughts and self-esteem in more damaging ways.

So many factors influence how body image for new moms. Here are a couple of ways that we can fight those destructive message and keep our body image as heathy as possible:

1. Be realistic. Set yourself up for small success, like daily walks instead of huge goals like joining a gym when both time and money can be factors. Move yourself to activity when you're ready to not because you're supposed to or you feel pressured but because it's good for your mental health, in addition to physical health.
2. Be with people in person, more than online. Face to face connection is essential for our good health, yes, but face to face, like this free monthly group, is also a reality check. Not all new moms look like (insert your favorite celebrity new mom here!).
3. Practice Gratitude. Your body may not look like it did before you were pregnant but your body is where your baby feels safest and most loved. Your body may also be feeding another little being too. Not too shabby!
4. Remind yourself that You are Enough. Just as you are.  And if you forget? Don't look any further than your baby. The way s/he looks at you may be just the reminder you need.

For Durham area new moms, our next gathering is October 11, 2-4 pm. Once again, we will be at my office at 1200 Broad Street, Suite 104, in Durham. RSVPs are not required! Have a suggestion for our October topic, leave me a comment below.  Thanks for reading.

{new post} Why Hire a Birth #Doula

Guest Post: Tara Owens-Shuler

At my 10th year high school reunion in 1998, I received an award for having the most unique career as a Doula!  When I told my classmates that I was a birth doula, many of them asked, “You are a what?”  Doulas, a Greek word meaning “with woman”, are now more familiar in the birth community and being hired more often by women and their partners. So, what is a birth doula?

Doulas are like community health workers or patient navigators for expectant women.  We provide continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to laboring women and their partners. We do this three ways:

• provide informal education and social support; 
• help women connect to community and hospital services or resources;
• assist women in evaluating and preparing for safe and healthy birth practices during labor. 

In the current hospital settings, neither the nurse nor the doctor will remain by the bedside continuously. Doulas, on the other hand, are continuously by the bedside and provide constant support to women and their partners. Doulas do not replace the husband, partner, or other family member, we assist them with skills to better support their loved one.  Doulas help families advocate for themselves by helping them ask the right questions to get the necessary information to make informed decisions.  

A review of several research studies summarized that women who are supported by a doula during birth are:

• less likely to have a cesarean; 
• less likely to use any pain medication in labor; 
• and more likely to report greater satisfaction with their birth experience. (DONA International Position Paper).   

So, even with the credible research that strongly supports the impact that professionally trained birth doulas have on birth outcomes and satisfaction, I am often still asked, “why hire a birth doula?”.

Women hire birth doulas for all of the labor support and evidence-based reasons above and more. Expecting women who want to become more informed consumers of healthcare hire birth doulas because they offer informed, evidence-based education. Women who want to feel empowered and confident going into the childbirth experience are also ones who hire a birth doula. And women who want to feel a part of the decision-making throughout their labor are more likely to hire a birth birth doula and afterwards report feelings of satisfaction with their birth experience.

The comments below, from some of my former clients, illustrate just how much women do value the labor support services:  

“…cannot express how much you helped this be the ideal birthing experience.”

“You made the whole experience much easier and to some extent enjoyable.”

“Knowing we had your support gave us such confidence.”

“It was invaluable to have you on our ‘team’!”

One of my favorite quotes, “If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it (Dr. John Kennell)”,  speaks to why I advocate for women to hire a doula for their birth!  We are an important member of your birth team and provide immeasurable support.  

If you are interested in finding a doula for your birth, a great place to start is the DONA International website.  You can search by State and City to find doulas nearest to you.  You can also ask friends, co-workers, or family members, who have used birth doula services.  

About Tara:

Tara Owens Shuler, M.Ed., LCCE, FACCE, CD(DONA) is a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator (LCCE) and a certified DONA birth doula.  She is currently the Past-President of Lamaze International, having served on the Lamaze International Board of Directors for the past 5 years.  She’s a leader and advocate for women being informed and educated on evidence based birth practices.

In her spare time, Tara teaches Lamaze childbirth education classes at Rex Hospital in Raleigh, NC and independently in Durham, NC through The Birth Library.  She provides doula services to women across the Triangle area. 

Note from Elizabeth: This piece from HuffPo that came out late last week underscores Tara's mention about how doulas lower c-section rates. It's absolutely worth a read.

{new #OutsideTheMomBox post} "Did I have a traumatic #childbirth?"

I read a terrific blog post recently that one mom wrote about her childbirth experience. Her labor was long but not concerning. Neither she or the baby were in any kind of danger. From all outside appearances, things looks fine. The exact opposite of how healthcare professionals define "traumatic childbirth". But to this mom, her childbirth experience was traumatic. This is an important distinction.

If we followed the legal definition of domestic violence in terms of providing services to those in need, very few women would ever get help. The legal definition of domestic violence is just that limiting. Similarly if we allow medical professionals to define (or not) our childbirth experience, many of us would not only not have the opportunity to process it but perhaps more of us would feel reluctant to name our childbirth as traumatic. Both are problematic when it comes to our mental health. 

{Funny how both are "women's issues", isn't it?}

We make birth plans, hire doulas, take a childbirth ed class...all things we do to claim our childbirth experience. Claiming your childbirth experience doesn't end when that precious baby arrives in the world! If you feel that your childbirth experience was traumatic for any reason, that is enough of a qualification. 

You have a healthy baby, right? So what exactly do you have to "complain" about? Talking about your childbirth experience (or any aspect of mothering for that matter) is not complaining; it's you taking responsibility for your healing, your self-esteem and your identity as a woman and a mother. As new moms, it's important to practice separating out needs as individuals from our role as a mother so both pieces of yourself are allowed to matter. We've never done this before. As an individual, you have needs, dreams and wants. They are important. But as a mom, you're often told that your needs don't count. But that doesn't mean that those wants and needs go away. They are still important; we just need to own them better and feel supported doing so. Talking about your childbirth is one way to do this.

No, my childbirth experience wasn't traumatic. I feel very lucky because I have known so many women who did feel that theirs was traumatic but didn't feel that they could talk about it or name it for what it truly was. (And certainly no one asks!) This void is why I've started offering trauma counseling. Trauma counseling is a time for women to talk about a trauma related to their pregnancy or childbirth experience. So if you need to claim that childbirth experience as traumatic, today or five years now, you absolutely should...and feel supported doing so.

As always, thank you for reading! I am grateful that you're here.