The second Saturday of each month is the free Outside The Mom Box support group for new moms with babies under 1 year. Each session starts with introductions and then goes in our main topic. We leave about 30 minutes for Q&A, then close. For November, we had local therapist and mom, Aimee Vandemark talk with us about understanding our postpartum moods. Here are a few noteworthy snippets from that conversation:

Aimee started our conversation off by sharing a story of an experience she had with her own young children. She asked herself in that moment and to us on Saturday to consider, "what does it mean to have another being call us "mom"?". That question segued into a conversation on how personal identity shifts for us during the postpartum period. Our identity as a woman shifts so much as soon as we become a mother. New moods, feelings or other different emotions can become a new norm. But when should we pay attention to those new feelings and when can we accept and move on?

What does postpartum depression look like? There are lots of different emotions or feelings that go into the mix (overwhelm, guilty, confusion, irritation, anger, sadness, numbness, etc.), Aimee told us. One mom commented, "that felt like Tuesday!". I know the feeling! So how do we know if we should be concerned? Aimee said that the intensity and duration of those feelings is really crucial to pay attention to. Thinking about duration: were they happening on Tuesday or for the past two weeks? And when examining intensity, it's important to consider how those feelings are affecting your life: are you able to get through the day? And perhaps find that things are better the next day? Or do you find yourself so overwhelmed that even basic daily tasks feel impossible?

One of our new moms who has struggled with depression in the past shared that our partners can serve as a good reality check for our emotional health. What a good point! Our partners are the people who know us best in the world. If they are noticing that we are different or that our behavior seems problematic or concerning, then that is absolutely something worth pay attention to.

In addition to awareness from our partners, Aimee said that our own self-awareness is a really important skill to develop. And that may be fine-tuning, instead, if it's been a while since we've been in touch with how we're feeling about things. Issues like anxiety, depression, sadness don't go away in pregnancy or even after we have our child/children. It's important for our emotional health as well as the health of our entire family that we are self-aware.

With self-awareness, ideally, goes action. So if we are feeling overwhelmed by some of the mood swings that we have going on during the postpartum period, or otherwise, we need to reach out for help and support. Help and support can include: self-care, groups like this new moms group, time talking to a professional like Aimee, connecting with other new moms or even adjustments to schedule, parenting responsibilities. And self-compassion.

I often focus on self-care as an important piece for new moms to practice getting into the habit of but Aimee reminded us that self-compassion is just as important. Self-compassion is just what it sounds like: letting ourselves off the hook sometimes. Talk ourselves the way that we would talk to our child, to at minimum a stranger. Compassion for ourselves can look as "simple" as putting away the parenting books that are causing anxiety, talking yourself out of a negative "tape" that's playing in your mind, or reaching out to someone who has been a supporter of you, to give you a reality check.

Questions? Comments? Share them by visiting my contact page or leaving your thoughts below.

For more information on postpartum mood disorders, please visit my page on mothering and mental health. Thank you for reading! On the calendar for next month: travel with baby! Join us on Saturday December 13 from 2-4 pm.

It's a little bit of a trick question because postpartum depression can affect any new mom. But it's important to note that there are some populations that are at a higher risk for postpartum mood disorders in general. Here are some of those groups:

Women who have had health-oriented /physical challenges in their past:

Survivors of intimate partner violence;
Survivors of sexual assault, rape or childhood sexual assault*;
Women who have suffered / suffer from disordered eating behaviors;
Women with a history of depression;
Women with a history of bipolar disorder;

Women with the following specific social or economic challenges:

Women with limited family support;
Women who are poor or lower income;

Lastly, there are factors related to the baby that put some women at a higher risk:

Special needs babies;
Colicky babies;
Chronically ill babies or babies with life-threatening illnesses.

[Author, IBCLC and speaker Dr. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett talks about all of the above challenges and more in greater detail in her book, Depression in New Mothers. I highly recommend it if you are interested in reading more about postpartum mood disorders.]

I would also add women who have suffered from chronic pain, after reading this article. This is just my opinion but I can't imagine how suffering from constant pain wouldn't make you predisposed to a postpartum mood disorder. Finally there is a new study out that says that women who fear childbirth are also at greater risk for postpartum mood disorders.

With all of these risk factors, I can't help but wonder why more women aren't diagnosed with a postpartum mood disorder. But of course, as we know, postpartum mood disorder screenings aren't thorough, perfect or even often enough. The onus is, once again, on the new mom herself to come forward. But when you're in a haze of confusion, pain, sleeplessness and perhaps anxiety, it can be hard to sort through whether your feelings are normal. Also not helpful is the fact that you don't see your OB until six weeks after you have your baby/babies. That may not be early enough (postpartum depression can happen anytime in the first year) or it may be too late.

Here are three things you can do, if you happen to fall into any of this categories of higher risk:

Make finding a good local new moms group, like mine, a priority for yourself before the baby arrives. Good social support is ESSENTIAL as a new mom. You will need to know that you aren't alone, that you (and your worries) are normal and that many new moms share your fears, wants and concerns. .
Consider hiring a postpartum doula. They have the distance and the expertise to recognize problems before they arise. Postpartum doulas are trained in, among other things, recognizing signs that mom gives...whether spoken or unspoken. Postpartum doulas aren't counselors but they can refer out to a qualified professional.
Speak up. If something is upsetting to you, talk with your partner, friend or another trusted mom about it. If you need something, ask for it. Too many of us suffer in silence, or just as damaging resentment, when it would be better for our physical and emotional health just to talk about it.

A postpartum mood disorder isn't a life sentence or something to be ashamed of. Let's keep the conversation going so we can all stay better informed and in doing so, be better advocates.