Concerns about breastfeeding impact time baby is breastfed

New moms intent on breastfeeding have a lot on their plate.  Breastfeeding is exhausting, emotionally and physically.  Add in pumping, issues of over or under supply or "just" the mountain of challenges that you can face as a new breastfeeding mom and you can see why moms can get overwhelmed.  A new study (10.13) by the journal Pediatrics looks at the relationship between mom's breastfeeding worries impacts how long she breastfeeds the baby.

The study concluded that new mom concerns about breastfeeding directly affected the length of time that mom breastfed.  Makes sense, right?  If you're worried about something that you're doing, you may be less inclined to continue doing it as time goes on.  The predominant new mom concerns are the usual suspects:

A post-partum doula always looks at position of baby's body, his body language & "attitude" and mom's breast to troubleshoot any challenges.  What do you notice about those things in this picture?

1. difficulty with baby feeding at the breast (this can include latch, tongue tie, oral aversion issues, etc.);
2. pain (breastfeeding should never hurt but it often does, especially when we're trying to figure out "how" to do it in the early days);
3. quantity concerns (is baby getting enough to eat?)

These concerns are normal but still scary for the new mom. If breastfeeding is an important piece of the fourth trimester for you and your family, you might consider hiring a post-partum doula.  The concerns above are issues that are addressed by a post-partum doula*.  [Note: these concerns can also be addressed by a lactation consultant.  Lactation consultants specialize in breastfeeding. ] A post-partum doula is a generalist who does three things for her clients: offer evidence-based information, hands-on help and unconditional support. So one takeaway of the article is the importance of hiring an experienced post-partum doula to help with breastfeeding in the early days.  

The study is available by subscription only (of course!) but you can see the abstract here.  You don't need to read the whole article though to get the recommendations by the study authors on how to close the gap between concerns and duration. 

Need a little Luve?

NewMama Luve that is.  

When you're finally home, you'll start to get into a routine.  It may be the least routine routine you've ever had but it'll be one.  And routine is important because right about this time is when you'll start to realize exactly what you've gotten yourself into.  Whether that realization comes when you admit aloud for the first time that you're afraid to leave the house or when it occurs to you that the baby hasn't been bathed since she was at the hospital doesn't really matter.  What does matter is that you admit it.

As someone who is a big believer in supporting others and asking for support when I need it, I happen to think that talking to others matters.  I often wished that I had someone non-judgmental to listen to me process exactly how crazy and lost I was feeling in my early days in the fourth trimester.  My sisters were there and a few other folks too but I wanted someone different.  Someone who had been there before, yes definitely, but also someone who could sit with me in the chaos for a bit. 

Lollipop included. (Really.)

Enter (18+ months later!) NewMama Luve- short, short term counseling intended for women within the first year post-partum. It's what I wanted and couldn't find. A few talk sessions with someone who has been there before.  Someone who won't think you're crazy.  Someone who can give you a reality check.  Someone who can offer excellent listening skills and loving support.  Someone like me.  

So, when you're ready to give yourself a break to process everything that's gone on for the past ___ months, call me.  We can set up a time to talk in person or via Skype.  Give yourself a little Luve.

Reality? Check!

One of the most useful gifts that your post-partum doula will bring you (not dinner, although that's a close second!) is a reality check.  It’s tricky to rely on your partner or even family for a reality check.  They are well-intentioned and love you but also caught up in the moment, just like you are.  It tends to be very hard for those close to you to parse out what’s normal and what’s not.  When you're sleep-deprived, struggling with breastfeeding or in pain, a reality check in the form of informed support from a post-partum doula who has a young child herself (hint: me) is just what any new mom needs.

There's going to be a lot that you'll wonder about (how long will the lochia last? when will I lose the baby weight? should I really be eating THIS much?) and it's essential that you have someone to be your reality check.  Remember that a post-partum doula is an expert in knowing what newborns need and also how best to support mom and the family emotionally as well as practically.  Practical answers, support and recommendations are just some of the tools in the post-partum doula's toolbox. 

I think new moms often get all too often get wrapped up in how it's "supposed" to be.  Breastfeeding is supposed to be intuitive. Babies are supposed to cry.  You're supposed to be in love with your baby immediately. When any of those memes don't happen or aren't exactly as you imagined they would be, stress ensues.  A post-partum doula knows all those "supposed to" memes and is on-hand to debunk them! She provides the real story which usually goes something along the lines of "this is temporary" and "give yourself a break".

A post-partum doula is part angel, part nurse and part best friend--practical and loving.  As knowledgable as she is a good listener.  She's there to hear what you're feeling, what you're worried about and learn how best ti support you.  And provide a good dose of reality along the way.

5 things I'd do differently...

I started to make a list of things that I wish I had done with Elisabeth (taking a signing class for example) but I realized there were also some decisions that I made on more of a personal level that, in hindsight, were a miss.  I'd love to hear what you would add, if you feel inclined to comment below. Here it is:

The first picture of my daughter

1. Accept help offered.  It seems like a basic (working on a blog post over at Swoon about this issue) but I had the idea that I should be able to do it all and do it all well.  Kind of like "women are equal now, aren't they? They can go to the same colleges that men go to AND run for office!" thinking, right? Yeah, that kind of confused.  Help was offered.  Things were offered.  Should have smiled and said "yes" to both.
2. Get a photographer to take pictures at the birth.  Not of the birth.  That would be way too much.  But simple photos of first moments with Elisabeth.  I have no pictures of E. and myself until she's about three weeks old.  I would so love some of those early days. But I have none.  Why?  Vanity, I supposed in part. A misguided notion of privacy in some other part, I guess. Mistake. Wish I had some. 
3. Rest More.  Just what it sounds like.  I didn't really rest as much as I should.  I was making cookies a week after I had E. For this one, I'm crystal clear on the why: I missed both my own cooking and a sense of normal so desperately that it felt more important to have those two things than to take a nap.  That hasn't changed.  Even now I often avoid sleeping so I can get more done.   I still apparently haven't learned the lesson! I'm working on this but it's hard to teach an old dog...
4. Hire a lactation consultant.  How this seemed like a non-essential when I was so determined to breastfeed, I honestly have no idea.  But it did.  Part of it was I didn't know any lactation consultants.  Not good enough. Things can go downhill fast for new moms in this area.  We just don't know enough about what is right and what isn't to prevent it ourselves, most of the time. True for me and so many others.
5. Worry Less.  Worry wasn't my middle name but it was definitely something that I would answer to, if you shouted loud enough. Worrying about breastfeeding (see #4), not feeling like myself, all the 'things' that could go wrong, baby basics I didn't know, etc. I even tried to do the 12 Step thing about offering it up to a higher power.  That worked, sometimes. After all, do I seriously imagine that I am in control of the universe? (Yes. Just kidding! Sort of.) Seth Godin said: "anxiety is experiencing failure in advance."  Truth, that. I've come to believe, though, that the way to avoid anxiety is to feel more confident (and rested!) in general.  Feeling confident and capable though comes from experience, yes, but also education, support and hands-on help.  Funny...that's exactly what a post-partum doula offers.

If you're a parent already, what would you add to this list?  What do you wish you had done differently?