23 Normal and Common Worries During #Pregnancy

May 5, 2014 Elizabeth M. Johnson, MA

Why 23? Because I knew I could name 23 off the top of my hat based on what I hear and read everyday. Here they are in no particular order:

...balancing demands of a crazy job with a new baby;
...fear of childbirth and/or the pain associated with childbirth;
...pregnancy leave from work: is it enough?
...anxiety about sex;
...concerns about ability to breastfeed;
...worry about hurting or harming baby or self because of past personal trauma;
...questioning how partner might act during childbirth and if a birth doula could help;
...doubting decision about choice of OB or hospital;
...lack of confidence in her body to birth a baby;
....wonder about how lack of knowledge about her body will impact satisfaction with the childbirth experience;
....worry about her (or partner's) family & role they might play in new baby's life;
...concerns about when the weight will come off after the baby is born;
...worries about not feeling attractive sexually to partner;
...concern over postpartum mood disorders;
...wanting to "go natural" during childbirth but also wanting knowledge & confidence to choose other options if it feels the right thing to do;
...curiousity about whether she will "need" a postpartum doula after the baby is born;
...nervous about choosing a pediatrician;
...fear about when she will feel "like herself" again;
...worry about being able to tell whether or not she is producing enough milk for baby;
...anxiety about not "liking" baby right away;
...wanting a different kind of _________ and wondering if that was an option;
...wondering about non-pharma pain management options during childbirth;
...worry about how different her body looks and "acts" when pregnant.

And there are so many more! But hopefully this list gives you an idea of some of the normal and common fears that pregnant women have about pregnancy and childbirth.

What would you add to the list? What have you heard friends say? Leave a comment below.

Book Review: Body, Soul & Baby

April 4, 2014 Elizabeth M. Johnson, MA

During one of my early visits with my ob, I asked her for a recommendation for a good pregnancy book to read. She told me about Body, Soul and Baby by Dr. Tracy Gaudet, the former director of Duke Center for Integrative Medicine. I've read a dozen pregnancy books since then and this is still the best one.

Perhaps from the title you can tell that _Baby Body and Soul_ is a different sort of pregnancy preparedness book. The emphasis isn't "just the facts" although there are plenty of those. And its' focus isn't "touchy feely" or overtly spiritual although those factors are also present. Gaudet talks about the book as a guide to becoming aware of the transformation that a pregnant woman is undergoing. Not only physical but also emotional and spiritual. _Baby Body and Soul_ urges the reader to look at her whole person. Gaudet argues that by examining all aspects of ourselves (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc) we will take care ourselves in a way that nourishes us authentically, from within and not in a perfunctory, automatic way. The difference between these approaches can be explained this way. Consider the woman who gets to know herself during her pregnancy, pays attention to what her body is saying, and what her emotional self needs vs. the woman who goes into autopilot when pregnant, dutifully taking prenatal vitamins and going to her doc visits. Both may start out feeling overwhelmed, surprised, etc. but one takes the time & energy to explore those feelings while the other sort of hopes they go away with time.

Tanya & team at Daisy Cakes made these lovelies for one of my baby showers.

Early on in my pregnancy, I felt alone and scared. I didn't know any other "older" pregnant women and we decided we wouldn't tell anyone that we were pregnant until we were well out of our first trimester. Other than our conversation, there wasn't much connecting my pregnancy to reality. As a result, I felt unattached to the baby. _Baby Body and Soul_ is full of exercises that are designed to connect you to your baby, even if it feels unsafe or scary. In Chapter 3, "Ten Tools for Tuning In", Gaudet talks about "dialoging" and "baby quick pics". It was with the help of these tools that I first connected with our daughter. This was a huge turning point in my pregnancy, from an emotional perspective. Suddenly, she was real. With these exercises, I begin to see the baby as a warm, yellow sun (before we knew her sex). From that point, until her delivery I called her "Little Sun".

There are only two gaps to this book in my mind. The first is that it hasn't been updated since it's publication in 2007. The information is still timely and relevant but best practices in prenatal care change all the time so it would be wonderful to have a new edition. The second is that for all its holistic approach, there is no mention (that I can recall) of how past trauma like sexual abuse or domestic violence can affect not only the choices that a pregnant woman makes but also how she does "pay attention" (Gaudet's language in the introduction) during pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period. As an educator and speaker about how issues like DV and SA affect a pregnant woman, this is a huge miss in my mind. That said, it likely wouldn't be a miss for others and non-survivors.

If you're the kind of pregnant woman who wants facts but also a little more in terms of emotional exploration and building connection to this new small life, _Baby Body and Soul_ might be a good choice for you. _Baby Body and Soul_urges you to slow down, take the time to feel what you're feeling and then make decisions based on those internal matrixes. It's not a Thanksgiving meal to be stuffed on; it's more of a dessert tasting menu at your favorite cafe which encourages you to savor and taste deeply.

Outside The Mom Box rating: 5 stars out of 5

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Getting in shape...for labor!

March 28, 2014 Elizabeth M. Johnson, MA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9wRBWDxReY&feature=share

Childbirth is a marathon, not a sprint someone said to me once. Boy, did that prove to be true! I heard the message but it hadn't occurred to me how true this statement would prove to be. My arms, back and legs were sore for days afterward...that was in addition to the areas where I expected to hurt! When I was pregnant I did weekly prenatal yoga and walked daily but I still wish that I had been in better shape for delivery. Pregnant women get barraged with so many details including what to eat but very few details on what certain exercises can do to prepare us for childbirth.

But we did once! This video shows a group of pregnant women in the 1930's exercising at a London hospital. Each exercise is introduced with details on how the activity benefits your body.

As the video says, "the time to train for any athletic event is before, not after the event." Did you "train" for your labor? What did you do?

The 3 Best Things You Can Say to a Pregnant Woman

January 12, 2014 Elizabeth M. Johnson, MA

Perhaps you've noticed but if you're pregnant, your body suddenly becomes a space of communal speculation. Most of us experience this in an intrusive way, with "wow, when are you due?" or complete strangers coming up to touch your belly. To be fair some people are just at a loss as to what to say to a pregnant woman. Regardless of whether you're guilty of this (no way, right!) I've compiled a short, simple list of the three best things you can say to a pregnant woman.

1) Give a clear compliment. "You look beautiful/wonderful/gorgeous." or "How radiant you are." or "I've never seen you look better." The crucial bit here is be clear. "Glowing" may be a compliment to some women but not to others so better to avoid. "Beautiful", though, is usually interpreted only one way.

2) Offer food. "Can I bring you a meal when you're home from the hospital?" What woman is going to say "no" to this?! No one I know. A home cooked meal is a godsend for new parents. (One of the reasons it is a staple in most of my postpartum doula packages!)

3) Voice support. "I'm happy to walk Fido in the mornings on my usual trek around the block, if that'd be helpful." or "Do you think that Susie might want to come over and play with my daughter to give you a bit of a break when you first get home?" Community support is also nice.

Of course, only make these offers if it feels authentic to who you are and your words are true. It's always okay, as my grandmother used to tell me, to not say anything when in doubt or if you aren't sure your words will be taken as kindly as you intend them.

For the pregnant ladies reading, what's the best thing someone can say to you? Leave a comment.

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