Time and Space

One of my all-time favorite books, World Enough and Time by Christian McEwan is one that I have yet to finish. McEwan eloquently, peacefully even, makes the case that most of us are moving too fast on a regular basis. Of course I agree. And I'd take it a step further to say that if we want to feel more confident in our everyday lives, we must make time for quiet time away.

When we don't allow ourselves the occasional quiet space that we need as a way to recover from this super-fast world, we make decisions based on fear or scarcity thinking instead of abundance and/or gut instinct. It just make sense, right? If we don't have time to process, we don't decide well. When we don't make good decisions, the affects of those poor decisions are most likely to come back and haunt us. That niggling worry causes us to second-guess ourselves next time around and sometimes also to waffle about the next decision. All of that damages our confidence levels.

Think, too, about how you can do "hard" work, whether that's on ourselves or our businesses, if we don't take time away for reflection? We cannot. Just as it is impossible to continue to add more projects, people or commitments into your life without taking some of our existing ones away, it is impossible to be productive, in any capacity, without time and space to do so. This lack of time to do work on ourselves also negatively impact self-confidence.

But as busy women, how do we make that time and space happen? One of the ways that we carve out quiet for ourselves is to start small.

Getting up 20 minutes earlier than you usually do or than your child, partner does. Planning a weekly bath night so you can soak alone in the dark or by candlelight. Hiring a helper for 2 hours per day, even once a week. Coordinating childcare with your partner so you can take a walk alone. Buying one of those cool adult coloring books and some pencils to do some reflective coloring before bed, instead of looking at Instagram. Turning off NPR in the car in order to encourage quiet reflection.

These are all small tasks, most of which are free. All of them will help you carve out space and time for quiet reflection. So, what about you? What would your time and space for reflection look like? Leave a comment below or share it on my Facebook page.

Now! Or later...

My 8th grade English teacher Mr. West advised giving a book 50 pages. If we didn't like it at that point, he said, it was fair to put it down. I think if Mr. West were in my life today, he would say that it's also fair to return to it later. And, he'd agree with me when I say, put a book down if reading it doesn't feel right. This came to me last night after I looked at my bedside table reading material last night and looked away. Before bed I don't want to think about business or practical feeding tips for my toddler. I usually want to decompress as I gently beckon sleep, not feel the need to take notes. I shuffled my stack after looking back at the same table again. This time I saw Mama Zen.

Graphic courtesy of Seth Godin.

I'd started Mama Zen months ago and felt a little "meh". Nothing resonated with me. Looking at it last night though, everything was a click. Clearly there was a reason it was still in my possession. It can be easy though to drift into a sea of self-guilt over "other" unfinished projects or set aside hobbies. And I was almost there. I was close to should-ing on myself for piles of books that I wasn't reading. But then I remembered that reading should be a pleasure. It is self-care for those of us who see books as an oasis. If reading is a pleasure, then we must always read out of a desire to do so, not out of obligation or guilt.

"Every book is worth reading which puts the reader in a working mood." Emerson said. And if you consider reading to be a way to care for yourself as I do, perhaps this will feel true for you too. Never beat yourself up for not finishing a book. Instead, remember that with reading, like parenting, timing is everything. If something's not working, put it aside. Try it again later. Shake it up a bit even but put it away for later. Even way later. There's a reason it's not working but don't divert energy into puzzling out that question. Just set aside and try again another time. Be gentle with yourself. And, when in doubt, remember this thought from Emily McDowell. 

Thanks for reading...now or later.