How do we know when to let our hard work out into the world? To hit "send" and wave goodbye? It can be difficult to know when to let go of something that we're working on. For trauma survivors (and everyone's a trauma survivor), deeming something finished can be excruciating.
Some of us also struggle with the idea of letting something go because it can connote giving up. Because we've been taught the opposite: never give up...on someone or something. It's understandable that such a mindset spills over into a project or regular work.
For others, continually workshopping something is a habit. It may not be a good habit (or it may be a formerly good habit that now no longer serves us) but it is a habit, something we are used to and comfortable doing without much additional thought. Good or bad habits can be hard to break.
It can also feel excruciating because our indecisiveness feels like yet one more sign we are screwed up. That there's something wrong with us. The feeling that we are flawed is something many trauma survivors can identify with. Other people, "normal people", don't question themselves this way, we tell ourselves.
The thing is: we all do this.
Everyone feels the pain of perfectionism. It manifests in different ways but we all deal with the feeling that our way isn't good enough. That others do it better, smarter, faster, prettier than we do. Everyone deals with this harmful, comparison thinking.
And yet we know that "perfect is the enemy of done,". So how do we know when to let something go? When to hand it in and not look back? I struggle with this as much as the next person. But instead of waiting for a train called Perfect which will never arrive, I ask myself two things:
1) Is my writing/proposal/work/etc a representation of my personal best?
2) Is my writing/proposal/work/etc better* than 90% of what is out there?
If I can say yes to both questions, then I release it.
I hit "send" or "submit". I close the file or schedule the post.
I allow myself a good deep breathe and put it out to the world.
A note about "better": for me this means not only quality but creativity and originality. In other words, I am asking myself am I doing a) excellent work and b) is my work adding something in some way. "Better" does not mean "is it superior to specific thought leaders in my field?" (because that's comparison thinking and I need to stay in my own lane) but is it "better" because it contributes to the existing dialogue?
After decades of having my work both here and elsewhere, I've figured out these questions work for me. They allow me to evaluate my work by metrics that matter to me while allowing me to confidently submit the damn project already. How do you deal with wanting your special work to be perfect before anyone else sees it? Share your tips with other by leaving a comment below. Thanks for reading.