Unless you're a white cis-het dude, the system was not designed to work for you.
No universal childcare or pre-K? No need. Women stay home to watch the kids until they are school age.
No family leave? Of course not. Men don't have babies.
Election day not a federal holiday? Men routinely left the office for lunch at home, a business meeting with clients or any number of reasons. No big deal to leave the office 9-5 or go in late, leave early.
Freezing your a*s off at work? Wear a threepiece suit a la Don Draper and you'll be fine.
If this all sounds dated, that’s because it is. And yet we still live in these dated systems that don’t work for so many of us.
I hate it.
I hate we live under various systems of oppression that make living feel like surviving and thriving feel impossible.
But when we figure out the system doesn’t work for us, we learn how to work the system.
So it's a "yes/and". Yes, we have to live in this world.
And, we can make choices that allow us to feel more free. We can.:
1. Add pleasure into our everyday life. Patriarchy would have us think the only pleasure that matters is sexual. Well, I love a good orgasm as much as the next person and we can still seed pleasure in other ways too. Everyday pleasures like a steaming cup of perfectly brewed tea, the smell of the first page of a brand new book or laughing out loud with a friend who gets you. Also: noticing the deep perfection of a shiny new Vespa sitting on Ninth St.
2. Notice more, judge less. Just see the thing. Don’t do anything with it or try to change it. Repeat and repeat and repeat.
3. Embrace the “yes/and”. Supremacy culture LOVES black and white thinking: good or bad, Republican or Democrat, pro or against. The reality of how we think and act is much more nuanced though. The grey area of “yes/and” gives us a break when you need it. And you need it.
3. Cultivate relationships that allow you to feel safe, seen and respected. It’s not the “more the merrier,” it’s “quality over quantity”. Shitty capitalism teaches us to collect, accumulate, keep adding. No, ditch people (and stuff) that don’t help you shine.
5 Rest more. Capitalism really LOVES when you work yourself to the bone. So let’s not do that…as much. Or all the time. Wherever you can get it in, do it.
6. Say “no” more. “No” to someone asking for more of ANYTHING. Chances are you don’t have a lot of extra right now so toss out that “no” like a Beyonce hair toss.
These are some ideas on how we can work the system. I will add that I’m sharing all of the above from a place of privilege that you might not have. Fully acknowledging that and still inviting you to consider the ideas.
PS. LarissaParson and I spent the fall talking about ALL of this in Wondemine Podcast. Check it out if you want a bit more. Werk!