A few years back, I saw a post on LinkedIn with a quote from Richard Branson. It went like this, "if someone offers you the chance to do something, take it. Worry about how later on." In other words, don't hesitate, grab! At one time in my life, I would have agreed.
Like you, I live, work and play under a capitalist system which, among other things, "...encourages a speed that makes actual contemplation impossible," as author Kiese Laymon said recently. So we gotta jump on that offered chance...quick before someone else out-hustles us. My comment on the Branson LinkedIn post was this,
"Or you could pause and say 'no' and remain focussed on where it is you want go...instead of grasping every bright shiny object that floats by."
I'm realizing just two years ago, that's not quite it. Here's what I would say now if I could go back and change my statement,
"We don't need 'more'; we need 'right'. A pause helps us find what's right."
A pause can feel lazy, like a big old zero. That can feel akin to losing an appendage in a world that pushes winners and losers as we do. Because who are we if we aren't relentlessly charging our phones, plugging away at the American Dream?
A pause is actually far from zero; it's gold. It's the action that allows you to move forward as confidently, safely and mindfully as you can. It's the double-check, a timesaver that feels the opposite. It's the deep breathe that steadies.
A pause is a nod to being triggered by past trauma. It says, "I see you, small child, but hold on a moment." The pause allows you to catch your breathe and remind yourself that you are safe. That, as an adult, you can make choices. That you do not have to react in the same way you have in the past.
A pause is also a small but cheeky snub to the systems of oppression that you live, work and play under. Systems that benefit with every "yes" you give. Capitalism is happy when you keep paying for a streaming service that you don't use. White supremacy & capitalism both win when you order Rise & GRND through Prime instead of directly from BLK & Bold.
Pauses feels scary because what if there isn't another ask? What if you can't ever find "more"? What then?
Less can be scary. Especially if you grew up with less or have ever been in that hand-to-mouth place of being only a few steps away from losing everything. A scarcity mindset can overwhelm. It can influence our reality in a very tangible way.
Contrary to what we are told, however, there will always be "more". There is always more money, more opportunities, jobs, people, relationships. There will always be more out there. But you don't always need "more". (And of course sometimes you do.) You do always need "right".
So instead of automatic "yeses" or . . .
"I won't be asked again."
"I don't want to make waves."
"I need to take this now before they ask someone else."
"It's easier to do it."
"They won't like me if I don't."
Pause and ask yourself three questions. Three questions that help you determine what's right:
1) "Does the timing of this _____ make sense right now?"
2) "Will this ____ move me toward my goal of _____?"
3) "If I say 'yes', can I maintain the momentum needed to do the work?"
If you can answer affirmatively to all three questions, then it's "right" (for you). You can give "yes" and feel confident about it. But if even one of your answers makes you hesitate, then hold off. Something is not "right".
Pause. Listen for your answers. Then, make your decision. The asking, demands and constant stream of encouraged consumption will never stop. That doesn't mean your steady stream of "yeses" needs to continue. So give yourself a pause. You don't need 'more'; you need 'right'. A pause helps you find what's right.
Branson said something else. “Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming,” In other words, pause. You don’t have to take this bus. They’re everywhere.
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