Say "Yes" to You Being You
It’s a new year. And, like me, I bet you have high hopes for 2021 to be not just “better” but “BETTER”. As I think about how you can make things BETTER for you I'm reminded of the importance of one big "yes": your right people.
Your right people are your safe, trusted people with whom you can be real and honest. They give as much as they get, are accessible (meaning reachable) and encourage you to be the best you can be. Your right people never push their values on you. They don't shove you toward their idea of normal or healed. They don't urge you toward forgiveness. The people who do these things, even if "well-intended", are not your right people. They do not want You. They want a Number 12*.
In the Twilight Zone episode, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You, a young girl named Marilyn takes a stand. She doesn't want The Transformation, an irreversible operation that allows young adults to choose a select "model". A Number 12 for example. That model changes the body and appearance (spoiler alert: their mind too) into total perfection. Acquiescence and conformity go with the physical change. Marilyn wants to stay "different", despite pressure from her mother and friend. Marilyn's world is a place that no longer allows individuals to decide what it best for themselves.
In our world, for the present at least, "normal" and "healed", standards invented by white men, are arbitrary. Perhaps even elitist and racist. "Good" is relative. Everyday people look "good" compared with the egregious behavior of the president. If "healthy" is possible at any size, then it looks different from person to person. "Perfect" is a standard invented by capitalism and the patriarchy because there are only ever certain people or things who appear to fit this descriptor.
If people want you to change, want you to be something that you are not, even if that's "normal", "unmedicated," "cured", etc they want a Number 12. Someone easier to manage. Easier to control. They want you to be different. They want you to be something other than who you are.
There are no gold standards for your growth; only your standards. That's what you say "yes" to. You keep doing you. And, at the same time, look across the arena for your people, your right people. That's another big "yes". Your right people are the ones in the arena with you. They're the ones that will make 2021 BETTER. YES!
