Abuse survivor or no, many of us have a hard time talking smart.

And I don't mean using big words. It's not about getting more degrees or credentials. You don't need to have gone to college. Heck, it doesn't matter if you didn't finish high school or are still in high school. Anyone can talk smart.

Here's what talking smart is:

Saying what is true for and about us;
Owning and sharing our own experience, expertise;
Offering a clear "yes" and "no";
Using vulnerability statements.

Here's what talking smart isn't:

Self-deprecating words;
Excuses;
Over-apologizing;
Minimizing language i.e. "I don't know," or "it's just me but..."

Sometimes the non-smart talk is a by-product of cult commands: those relentless voices in our head that run like 80s mix tapes. Cult commands lack truth but feel true and very real. Cult commands are a reason we get stuck in an "I don't deserve," mindset. They're also why we might act from a place of scarcity instead of plenty.

But there's another thing our non-smart talk does: it reduces visibility. When we use non-smart talk, we're making it harder to see, find and connect with our right people.

Our right people, our money team people or support team people, are essential. They are the one of the facets in our world that make life worth living. When we have our right people we feel connected and grounded. They fill our well, champion our cause and make us better. They help make the larger world feel more like a home: a place where we feel safe, cared for and respected.

There will always be pieces of our lives that are governed for us. We may not feel in choice about many aspects of our life. Language, however, is an area that is ours alone, a place where we do have choice. Words both matter and manage. The language you use to talk about yourself can keep you managed, in the small box where society puts you. Or you can talk smarter with words that matter and break out of that box.

Which will you choose?